Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
