Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
