That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
