no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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