that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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