Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
