Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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