This is not my ceiling
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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