got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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