definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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