And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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