I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
