Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
