i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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