and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
