just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize