He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The uberlube is also flammable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
