The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
