Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
