somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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