Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
