There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize