Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
