Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
