there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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