it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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