Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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