some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
