Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dear god my vagina.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
