There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
