Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
