ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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