At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
