Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
