Whod you bang
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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