I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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