never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
