I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
