Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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