She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
