i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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