Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one two three fourrrrnication!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
