awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
