Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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