Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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