What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
