Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
