Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
