why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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