also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
