Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
