I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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