she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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