Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
