so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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