someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize