i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
