im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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