Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
