You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
