Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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