you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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