Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
