Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
