just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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