Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
