Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
