When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
