Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know her cup size but not her name....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
