i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
