Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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