I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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