see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
