I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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