Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
