Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
