He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
