well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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