I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
