The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
