Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
