So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize