she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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