i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
