This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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