This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
