as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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