shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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