Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
