So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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