come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize