I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
