Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
