It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
