THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
