someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
