This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
