Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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