May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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